What the FUNK?

I know the title isn't too friendly, but it's exactly what i've been dealing with since the return to reality after the Christmas holidays. I'm not exactly sure why, but I've had the worst attitude or demeanor. I actually can not believe I have become motivated enough to drag myself out of the bed to make it to work each day. My classroom, house, van and appearance has actually become utterly discusting. I've had zero motivation to work and socialize. I was thinking maybe it's cold and rainy which usually is the main reason for most people to have lack of motivation. I have also been spending a lot of time home alone with Ivy and no adult conversation because Scott has been on a serious streak of proving himself a man and bringing home meat for the family or in other words..... hunting. I also thought it was my job. As many of you know, I work with students with severe and profound disabilities. I step back and look at all these ideas and they definitely don't answer why I've been in this funk. For one, I like winter as I can wear clothes to cover my fatness (he he), my husband could be out doing way worse things and it does fill our freezer with meat for the rest of the year, and I LOVE MY JOB ( I have the sweetest kids in the world and I would not change their slobber kisses for anything). The funk has been a problem within myself. I have not been fulfilling myself with things that are good for myself. The number one is I have not fulfilled myself with God's love. He's been blocked out of my life like all my wonderful friends have. I made myself get out of bed and go to church this morning....i've not had enough motivation to go since before Christmas. Literally, I could not get out of the bed. I truly enjoyed it. Our church will be helping with Habitat for Humanity and I did make an offering to help this group. Just this morning our church raised almost $10,000 towards helping 3 families within Covington County. I was so happy to help because once my grandmother and I lost our home to Hurricane Opal and the United Methodist Conference helped so much through donations, and Selma Methodist Children's home came and cleaned the debris. FEMA would not help us until Mr. Seth Hammett, also a member of our church, wrote a letter which helped paid for the remainder of the home. Wow, our home was truly built out of love. As I went to alter this morning to to give my offering, tears of joy just filled within my eyes. I've had my focus on so many irrevelent ideas, that I've seemed to not really have a focus at all. I look back at Obama and how angry I was about his spreading the wealth idea. How selfish can I be to not want to help those out. I know gov't money sometimes is misused, but I need to not focus on that, but for the people who really use it and use it wisely. We as a country do need to help others. I want to really turn this around as my focus. I've had a difficult time dealing with tithing because I could literally be making a house payment with the amount we are supposed to tithe. I really just could not allow myself to do that, but I need to put the focus on where that money will help others like it helped me and my grandmother when I was younger.

So, to all my friends that I've truly just blocked out, I'm sorry.... I promise I'm turning a new page today and promise to be a better person.. You guys know exactly who i'm talking about. Please do pray for me because I need the prayer of others as well as God's strength to keep my focus. Thank you!